Manly tears of justice

tomoatmeal:

What the letter said was that I found her very attractive and that I’d seen her walking her dog a lot and so I just wanted to say hello.  It also said that I’d watched her several times through a window, but not like HER window or anything.  I meant through my car window when I was driving.  And that “watching,” sounds so creepy.  It was more like I just happened to glance over and see her. 

That was the gist of it.  And I didn’t have any paper so I wrote it on an old traffic ticket envelope and put it under her windshield wiper blade.

“Hey!” she screamed.

I started to respond, but she marched right by me and up to the parking enforcement officer who I guess was standing behind me.

“I was parked just fine!” she screamed.  “What is this, some sort of bullshit quota you have to fill?!”

He didn’t like the accusations and so he fired right back.

“I didn’t give you a ticket!”

“Liar!”

“Man oh man,” I thought. 

And I guess she was having one of those days because she pulled a gun out of her purse and shot the parking officer three times in the chest.  Then, she put the gun barrel in her own mouth and pulled the trigger.  It was a huge mess.

“Well, I guess that’s a no,” I said, in a real sitcom-y voice. 

“WAY-TO-MAKE-IT-ALL-ABOUT-YOU,” boomed the helmet fastened to my dog’s head that converted his barks to English.

I poured the remainder of my expensive latte on the dog’s helmet, which caused it to crackle and malfunction.

The right girl was out there somewhere.  And I would find her.

Next to me, the dog’s helmet made a crackling noise.  A sarcastic crackling noise.

(via liamdryden)

belgianbollocks:

1. Tea contains antioxidants. Antioxidants can help slow down the aging process, and help cells regenerate and repair.  Many studies suggest antioxidants also assist our bodies in preventing cancer.
2. Tea can lower stress hormone levels. Black tea can reduce the effects of stressful events by lowering the amount of the stress hormone cortisol in the body.
3. Tea fights cavities and reduces plaque. Compounds in tea are capable of killing or suppressing growth and acid production of cavity causing bacteria in our mouths.
4. Tea keeps you hydrated. Every cup of tea you drink, especially low or no caffeine varieties, counts as a cup of water with the added bonus of providing antioxidants as well.
5. Tea may reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack. Tea can help prevent formation of dangerous blood clots which are often the cause of strokes and heart attacks.
6. Tea can help lower blood pressure. Drinking green tea daily can reduce your risk of hypertension by up to 50%.
7. Tea aids your body in digestion. Tea has been used for thousands of years as an after-meal digestive aid.  It can also help relieve stomach cramps.
8. Tea may help prevent diabetes. There is some evidence to suggest that green tea might help to lower the risk of getting Type 2 Diabetes.
9. Tea can help beat bacteria. An Egyptian study testing the effects of green tea on antibiotics found the tea to enhance the bacteria killing effects of the drugs.
10. Tea aids your immune defenses. A study comparing the immune activity levels of coffee drinkers vs. tea drinkers found the tea drinkers to have levels up to five times higher.

tea rocks my socks

10nant-fangirl:

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(Source: happinessinasnap, via knowledgeiscake)

(Source: thisplanetisdying, via exorcistor)

vaginatoria:

 #digging is always so much easier when your little brother is half-puppy

(Source: tommyandgina, via garama)

(Source: helloiben, via liamdryden)

sherlockian-spockian-who:

nodaybuttodaytodefygravity:

The best part is, there are going to be some people that think this is one of those “Use the force, Harry” -Yoda things…when in reality, this is actually a quote.

AN ACTUAL QUOTE, PEOPLE. This is why I love Doctor Who.

(Source: quotemesomebbcshows, via knowledgeiscake)